The Advisor Group of Companies

HUMOR - INVESTMENT JOKES

 

  • Housewife's definition of retirement:  "Retirement is half as much money and twice as much husband!
  • Stock Investments: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
  • Bond: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Enron Corporation!
  • Broker: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke!"
  • Bear:  What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
  • Bull: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter!
  • Margin: Where you scribble your latest stock quotes when you're suppose to be listening to your manager's presentation.
  • Short Position: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also hardly ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually end up being in.
  • Commission: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you commissions!
  • Every time one person sells stock, another one buys, and they both think they are smart.
  • Stock Analyst: The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
  • Stock Broker: A person who says to his client: I've reviewed your portfolio, and if we manage your stocks properly, there should be plenty of money for both of us.
  • Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself/herself for a financial genius.
  • Bear Market:  A down market period when the kids get no allowance, the spouse gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
  • Long-Term Investment: A short-term investment that failed.
  • Economics: An extremely useful method fo employment for econmists.
  • Money: The safest way to double your money is to fold it and put it in your pocket.
  • Beer Investment: 12 months ago if you bought 1,000 shares of ABC stock you would now have 35 shares - counting losses.  If you had bought 1000 cans of beer you would now have 1000 empty cans to sell.  Invest in beer.
  • Investments: Your best stock investment may be the one you don't make.

Funny Pictures

  

   
Wednesday, September 8, 2010

NOTICE:  We work as an advisor team to provide business owners, employee groups and individuals financial services in Ohio only.  No tax, legal, securities or financial advice is intended or provided on this web site or any of our other web sites. This disclosure and disclaimer applies to The Advisor Group, Ltd, our business consulting firm, The Internet Connection Association of Ohio, Inc., National Insurance Marketing Services, LLC and/or other tax, legal, insurance, real estate or other professionals we may involve to assist you. When a potential business or individual client requires specific advice, the appropriate licensed professional will provide the service required.  Without knowing the individual situation of anyone requesting our services, we provide no advice until we understand your circumstances.  Only then will we serve as a "one-stop" advisor and coordinator with other advisors to better serve you.